I'm not important. [ And Istredd doesn't mean it in the way he used to. He has more value in himself now, it's more born out of logic. ] My reputation in Thorne is a harmless academic. Sidwell will see that and brush me off like all military people would. I'm not a threat.
[ Istredd can't know for absolute certain that he will get out of this. They don't know Sidwell well enough yet. He could be the kind to make violent gestures out of people, but he's skeptical of that. He's gambling his life and freedom on it, but he considers it a safe bet. One he'll make for himself, but not for her. Yennefer's always been the bigger target, in every aspect of their long lives. The leaders of the Brotherhood had it out for her, for example, powerful people always turn their eyes to her eventually.
Istredd holds her hands and sighs, lifting them to his lips to kiss the knuckles on each. He knows that this is the better approach to take, since them screaming at each other won't have them go anywhere. They can't have one of their fights and then make up after a day of silence. Time is of the essence. And this is the truth. It's a plea from the heart, not from the head. ]
Do you know what was on my mind when I thought you were dead after Sodden?
[ It's been awhile since he lingered on those memories but for a reason. They'd been agonizing at the time. Istredd said he always believed she was alive, that a part of him could feel her still, and it was the truth, but he also had to grapple with the possibility he was lying to himself. They've never talked about this. ]
That it was my fault. You came to me, and I pushed you away, and then you died.
[ Yennefer showed up at his dig and said the things he wanted to hear for decades, but he didn't trust it, he didn't want to hope again. It felt easier for them to not revisit what broke him in the first place. And a part of him was still angry at how thoroughly she discarded him. He drops one of her hands to reach up and brush her hair back, caressing her cheek. ]
You almost died coming to me in Cintra. You almost died in Thanedd. You almost died in Nocwich. I don't even know every other time your life has been threatened. Every time you keep living because you keep moving. Because you're a survivor, Yenna. And I need you to keep doing that.
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[ Istredd can't know for absolute certain that he will get out of this. They don't know Sidwell well enough yet. He could be the kind to make violent gestures out of people, but he's skeptical of that. He's gambling his life and freedom on it, but he considers it a safe bet. One he'll make for himself, but not for her. Yennefer's always been the bigger target, in every aspect of their long lives. The leaders of the Brotherhood had it out for her, for example, powerful people always turn their eyes to her eventually.
Istredd holds her hands and sighs, lifting them to his lips to kiss the knuckles on each. He knows that this is the better approach to take, since them screaming at each other won't have them go anywhere. They can't have one of their fights and then make up after a day of silence. Time is of the essence. And this is the truth. It's a plea from the heart, not from the head. ]
Do you know what was on my mind when I thought you were dead after Sodden?
[ It's been awhile since he lingered on those memories but for a reason. They'd been agonizing at the time. Istredd said he always believed she was alive, that a part of him could feel her still, and it was the truth, but he also had to grapple with the possibility he was lying to himself. They've never talked about this. ]
That it was my fault. You came to me, and I pushed you away, and then you died.
[ Yennefer showed up at his dig and said the things he wanted to hear for decades, but he didn't trust it, he didn't want to hope again. It felt easier for them to not revisit what broke him in the first place. And a part of him was still angry at how thoroughly she discarded him. He drops one of her hands to reach up and brush her hair back, caressing her cheek. ]
You almost died coming to me in Cintra. You almost died in Thanedd. You almost died in Nocwich. I don't even know every other time your life has been threatened. Every time you keep living because you keep moving. Because you're a survivor, Yenna. And I need you to keep doing that.